Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
