I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
