Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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