well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Its about making memories worth repressing
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
