I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
