I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
