I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
