Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
