I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
