i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
