I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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