She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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