The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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