the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
