Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
