When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
