We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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