grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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