That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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