You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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