Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
