Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
