So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize