Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
