did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
