i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
