So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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