handjob tips. give me some.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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