remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
