he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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