Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
