We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize