that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
