Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
