Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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