Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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