ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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