Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want nice things and good sex
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
