Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
