Jerry, you need to find god
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
