awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
