I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
