Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
