it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
