She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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