had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
