it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I need to align my fucking chakras
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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