you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
