I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize