i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
