remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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