My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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