I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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