Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize