oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
