at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
