This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
