I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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