Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
