I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
