I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
