last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
