I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
